"He who has forgotten the language of gratitude can never be on speaking terms with happiness."

Is there an app for appreciating life?

If only. Appreciation is soul driven. But it is also a basic life skill, and I suspect we are not born with it. Somehow, somewhere along the way, we have to open to it.

I read recently that gratitude is not a virtue but a survival skill, and that is why our capacity for it grows with our suffering. Imagine villagers in developing countries with bare subsistence farming. I’ve seen them – singing – dancing – faces creased with laughter. These are our teachers. They have an aptitude for appreciating life, no matter what it offers.

Maybe it’s the pace of life, or the distractions, or the guilt that we carry here in our ‘first world’ universe, that deadens us to life’s gifts. Most of us are in a dream world, sleep walking through the day and trying to make it through the night. At that point we often get a ‘wake up call’ to catapult us out of our mind and into our body. Something had to give. The body has awakened us to the here and now. Ouch!

It’s not the way I want to learn to say ‘thank you’, but it is effective.

I have tried over the years to teach gratitude to young and even older children, my own grandchildren among them. But back then I hadn’t realized that ‘our capacity for it grows with our suffering’. These youngsters wanted for nothing. Suffering, insofar as material abundance was unknown to them or even to their friends and neighbours. How could they possibly understand appreciation when they were immersed in entitlement?

I struggle with this because I feel that it is critical to living a fulfilled and meaningful life.

I tried giving the ‘gratitude book’ to my granddaughter when she was in her early teens. You know – the ‘5 things to be thankful for each day’ kind of diary? That was the last I saw or heard of it.

Then I get a little voice memo telling me, “One cannot force gratitude”.

Of course. And one cannot expect a kid to see and hear the beauty, love and poetry in every sunlit Sitka spruce, starry night or summer sunset. These divine gifts are the aftermath of aging.

“There is an amazing calculus in old age,” writes Mary Pipher. “As much is taken away, we find more to love and appreciate. We experience bliss on a regular basis.”

And that would fit the formula that ‘our capacity for gratitude grows with suffering’. I am not a fan of ‘suffering’ but I can say with certainty that as a young woman in her eighties, (wink!) I am grateful just to wake up in the morning after a decent night’s sleep and amble down the stairs to make breakfast.

I began singing a table blessing while spending time with my daughter and son-in-law last winter and have continued it even when eating alone. We changed it up this year to keep it engaging, and we invite dinner guests to join in and harmonize. It’s a beautiful practice to connect with our gratitude, and gather everyone together in spirit, mindfulness, and appreciation.
 https://youtu.I8cDO-JyNXM    OR                                                                                                                            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I8cDO-JyNXM&feature=youtu.be

Someone just shared with me the ritual around his grandchildren’s table. Each child shares something that he/she is grateful for before beginning the meal. I love that. We cannot force gratitude but we can gently, slowly learn to experience it.

My daughter-in-law, Karen, among many other things is a gifted poet, and in her first book of poems, The Entry Stone, she offers Soap and Water Prayer at Bath Time. It’s a sweet tribute to the body, and all the parts that we take for granted and rarely truly appreciate.

                                                                 Thank you feet,
                                                            for walking me.
                                                            for standing my ground,
                                                            for skipping with joy.

                                                                  Thank you legs,
                                                             for taking me to beautiful places,
                                                             for bringing me to stand before the ones I love.

                                                                   Thank you back,
                                                              for bending,
                                                              for swaying and twisting to the music.

                                                                    Thank you shoulders,
                                                               for carrying my burdens for me.

                                                                     Thank you arms,
                                                               for reaching out,
                                                               for hugging and holding.

                                                                      Thank you hands,
                                                                for petting dogs,
                                                                for giving gifts,
                                                                for feeling everything.

                                                                       Thank you face,
                                                                for smiling,
                                                                for laughing,
                                                                for crying with me.

                                                                       Thank you head,
                                                                for all your stories,
                                                                for keeping me company, always.

                                                                                            -- Karen Graves